i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
