i think i have two assholes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
