I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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