how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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