he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
