gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
