we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
