Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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