I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
