where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
