I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
