Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Its about making memories worth repressing
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
