I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
