So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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