They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
