We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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