I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just had sex bonerless
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
