You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
