Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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