Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
