wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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