oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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