I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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