Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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