Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
