Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
