i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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