Your dad touched me again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
