Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
