So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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