You work out of a Hotel?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
