Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
