Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
