every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
