I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
