Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
