I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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