How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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