Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
