Are we in a gay sports bar?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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