I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
