Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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