Don't make out with my wife yet
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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