I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize