Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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