You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
