how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
