i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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