I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
