I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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