none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
