remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
