16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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