Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
