New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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