Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
