Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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