I can tuck mytits in my pants
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
