The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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