i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
