you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
