just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
