You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
