I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
