Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
