That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize