There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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