If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
