I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
