I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
